Praying for Something

Have you ever hurt so bad that you didn’t think you’d recover? Have you ever felt so empty and just wanted something to make all the pain go away?

The world is cruel and recently I was hurting so bad I wasn’t sure how I would survive. I had lost literally everything I held dear, which shows me now how seriously out of line my priorities were, and I didn’t know what to do to bring myself back from that ledge. There seemed to be no hope left. Days turned into weeks and I didn’t have any sign that things would change. My friends tried everything, but nothing held any fascination to me anymore. One day my best friend began sending me song lyrics that made something stir inside me and it was those words that made me wake up. I bought the album that contained those songs and after one listen I was in love. It was The Devil’s Carnival soundtrack. The cadence of the words, the quiver of the violins, the depth of imagery in the lyrics; they all made me feel something other than pain for the first time in ages.

It was later that night that I saw the trailer for the first time. As a Christian it made me slightly nervous at first, but this was art. I would not be condemned for watching a film and listening to a soundtrack that in the long run is nothing more than the ultimate morality tale. I knew that if in promoting this film I would be upsetting a handful of people, but for something that made me care I would do it. I began posting the trailer and making my friends listen to the soundtrack. I wanted to get as many people I knew to go, even though I wasn’t going to have the funds to see the film myself. It was all about the promotions. It was all about Terrance and Darren’s work. After all, they had funded this film out of pocket. And who could blame them after Lionsgate screwed them so hard with Repo! the Genetic Opera. But no one from my circles seemed to get it. They loved Repo! but they wouldn’t stand behind something that had to do with Satan. They weren’t capable of seeing it as art. They wouldn’t view it as a morality tale, even though that’s what so many stories from the bible are. But still, I told as many people as I could, wishing I could see the film myself. And then Footer came along. An old friend who I hadn’t seen in years. And not only did he buy himself a ticket (though he had never even seen Repo!) but he also bought me one, making me squeal and bounce like a five year old.

The promotions got even fiercer after that. Not only was this a project I just wanted to support, but I was now going and wanted as many of my friends as possible to experience it with me. I had even told the producer of Click on This (the web show I work with) about it and she wanted to cover the show! Now The Devil’s Carnival was getting press coverage. I felt so involved. I had been looking for something to turn my life around, praying even, and I found it in something called The Devil’s Carnival. Talk about irony, right! But here was my serenity. The thing I was looking for. Finally, something to make me feel like myself again. As the countdown to the Baltimore show continued I got more and more excited. I was going to get to see my best friend, an old friend from the music scene, and one of my closest friends from middle school. And I would get to see the film that seemingly had turned my life around. And before I knew it the day was upon us.

As soon as possible I was at Brittany’s house. She was the one who brought me around to TDC, so it was only fitting that we get ready together. We needed to do our makeup and get dressed in our devilishly seductive outfits. And all the while we screamed along to the songs that had turned my life around. And then finally we were on our way. Three car loads of people en route to the Charles Theater, all buzzing with excitement. And once we arrived we saw how many people were just as excited as we were. A line stretched around the building. All of us looked at by the passersby as goth costumed freaks. But we saw it as being among kindred spirits. People who believed in this project every bit as much as we did. It was perfect. We chattered on about the songs we loved and which characters we were excited to see. Maybe I should have been paying more attention to where the line was going than to our conversations, seeing as I lead the line right past the theater it was showing in. In our attempt to figure out where we were supposed to be our little crew accidentally lead the hoard of people to a small alcove that Terrance (the writer behind the film and the actor playing Lucifer) was trying to hide in. After hugging a few excited fans and greeting Brittany’s four year old son, he directed us to the right theater and we took our seats (though some of the people ended up sitting in the aisles of the sold out theater). You could literally feel the crowd quivering with antici- pation (see what I did there? Haha) for the film that we all knew would be our generation’s Rocky Horror.

The whole night was hosted by the sinfully beautiful Stephanie who had us chanting and cheering. Before they let us get to the main course Terrance and Darren gave us a few appetizers. A burlesque dancer named Marla Meringue (from the Sticky Buns burlesque troupe in Baltimore) gave us a little show, starting out as Wednesday Adams and loosing layers until she was scantily clad and making the crowd hoot and holler. As a second course the fans got a taste of Repo! with a fun documentary. It was filled with delicious behind the scenes footage that made the fans laugh and cheer, ending with a sing along to a very catchy song (which is still stuck in my head and probably always will be). As the documentary ended and the countdown reappeared I wondered what else they had planned for us. It only made sense that there would be a costume contest but we were thrilled when it was hosted by the beautiful Briana Evigan (the actress portraying Ms. Merrywood). It felt as though the moment would never come. Five minutes left ticking on the countdown. Seconds moving like molasses. But suddenly! A wild Terrance and Darren appeared! I decided to follow their instructions rather than trying to catch them with my pokeballs. They made us take an oath. A promise that we would not record the film and furthermore that we would not allow the people around us to film it. We vowed to punch them in the “tatas” or the “hoo nani nanis” if they had a camera out. And then it was time.

I bet you guys were just salivating for this part. The part where I tell you all about the plot. When I explained why Beautiful Stranger was to coolest scene to me. The bit where I told you the fate of Ms. Merrywood, John, and Tamara. But, sadly for you, that isn’t going to happen. I can’t spoil the film. That would be almost as bad as me filming it and showing you a copy. And I just really don’t want to be punched in the “tatas” for it. Sorry. I will tell you that it surpassed my expectations. It left me dying to know all about part two. And to the people who were scared to see it because of the gore factor that was so prevalent in Repo!, you don’t have to worry. There’s really not much blood to speak of. And to those of you (you know who you are) who won’t see it because of the God/ Devil undertones? Look at it as art. It is a good story. Put aside your reservations and give this film a chance. But I digress.

After the film ended the wild writer and director appeared again with Ms. Evigan in tow. They began a playful and enlightening Q & A, complete with a few hilarious stories that revolved around Terrance in this Lucifer costume and makeup. If you ever get a chance, and want a laugh, be sure to ask him about Cetaphil! Afterwards our lovely host Stephanie led the entire sold out crowd into the halls to get in line for merch and pictures. As I couldn’t even afford a ticket there was no way for me to buy anything. I just made my way outside and waited for my group to finish.

The whole time I waited I couldn’t help but think about the interview I wrote. I had worked so hard to compile a mixture of fan questions and my own. People were looking forward to it. But alas, my producer was unable to get everything set up in time and it wasn’t happening. She wanted to try to do it at another show. I had to talk to someone about it. I had to set it up. The viewers of Click on This had to know about The Devil’s Carnival. After all, it affected me so powerfully, who knows who else it might help. But I had no clue who to talk to. And then out of nowhere SpookyDan Walker appeared. After my friends got photos with him I brought up the interview. He said he would help me talk to the right people and lamented about promotions problems. He was rad! After that it was just a waiting game. But my waiting paid off. I ended up speaking with pretty much everyone involved with the film and they all agreed we should do the interview two days from then, at the Philadelphia stop. I thanked Terrance for the songs that brought me back from that dark place. He hugged me and told me I was far too lovely to let those things get me down. And after a lot of laughs with everyone it was time to say goodbye. It was after midnight and I was pretty sure that Footer was ready to leave me in Baltimore City if I tried to stay any longer.

The next day was a whirlwind of trying to find a way to make the interview happen. My producer couldn’t do it and didn’t have a camera person that could go to Philly on 24 hours notice. It seemed as though all my hard work was going to be for nothing. But I kept on trucking. I contacted every camera person I knew, to no avail. And in the minutes I wasn’t on the phone I was blasting the soundtrack. Now, I thought that after seeing the film I would want to listen to the songs less. Boy was I wrong. Now when I listen I go back and see the scene playing out and I know what certain parts mean. It’s actually pretty cool. But back to the story! Time was running out. And I was about to give up. I told my woes to my friend Allison and she told me that I needed to hold on. It was midnight and I was exhausted but I waited for her to do whatever it was she was doing. What she was doing was in fact finding me a camera man and agreeing to drive us to the show a mere fourteen hours from then. Everything was back on track. I couldn’t believe this was actually going to happen. I went to bed, somehow forcing myself to sleep through the excitement, ready for the drive to the city of brotherly love and the experience of a lifetime.

That whole next morning was spent perfecting my interview questions and literally shaking from nerves. I don’t tend to get nervous like that, but this was a project that I cared so much about. It had to be perfect. Only the best for the brilliant minds that brought this to fruition. And then before I knew it we were off. Lealin (our camera man) didn’t know much about The Devil’s Carnival, but was a huge Repo! fan, so we of course had to listen to the soundtrack the entire two hour drive to Philadelphia. It was the most fun I have had in a car in a long time. Once we got to the theater and scouted the perfect filming location we played the waiting game. Between setting up and stressing over malfunctioning equipment there was only time for a shortened version of the 30 minute interview I wrote and I could only have Terrance, as Darren was trying to make sure the show could still happen. The interview went off beautifully, even with the nerves. I noticed after watching it a few times that I giggled like a school girl every time Terrance said something I found funny. After the interview Terrance sang a few lines from my favorite song (Trust Me) just because I mentioned that Marc Senter’s voice gave me chills, and he said I had to hear his version. I have to say Mr. Zdunich gave me chills as well.

Spooky Dan informed us that he had saved three seats for us, which made my crew smile ear to ear. We had planned on just going up and getting the interview. We cared enough about the film that we didn’t want to ask for anything that could be for someone else. But my two awesome friends who saved me from not being able to keep my word were going to get to understand why I loved the film. I was recruited to help hang posters for the Ringmaster Q & A and hand out the signed posters to those with Carnie tickets while my crew got a ton of B-Roll. The side show was awesome the second time around, but it was followed by technical difficulties. It’s funny that one of the 666 rules pertains to the evil nature of Mac computers, seeing as it was a Mac that gave them so much trouble that night. To pass the time Stephanie and Spooky gave away two autographed albums to two awesome fans that were not afraid to get up in front of the crowd and sing either a song from The Devil’s Carnival or Repo! in front of a packed house. And then finally. Success! The computer issues were remedied and it was time. The Repo! documentary was just as yummy this time, if not more so. Baltimore is my home town, but the energy in Philly was beyond intense. The sing along part was loud enough that our voices overwhelmed the sound blasting from the speakers. It was also followed by the costume contest and the oath. This time we were to punch film thieves in the urethra and areola instead of the “tatas” or the “hoo nani nanis”.

Guess what! You’re not getting any details about the plot here either! I will tell you that even though they got the film playing, it was a bit glitchy the whole time. I still enjoyed it, but Terrance and Darren felt so bad that they gave everyone a free theatrical poster on the way out. The Q & A got a little bit hostile this time around. One of the viewers was not a fan of the way the female characters were developed and rather than letting Terrance address her issue, she insisted on cutting him off. But Darren came back with the best response. He told us that no matter what we thought of the film to write about it and talk about it. If we loved it or hated it, just to talk about it and get the word out there. And that is my main focus now. I am the co-founder of The Little Sinners (the unofficial street team for The Devil’s Carnival) and I am promoting nonstop. One of the things that drove me to depression was losing my job and most of my friends. But through promoting this film and meeting and talking to Terrance, Darren, & SpookyDan I have found a purpose. I have new friends. I have something worthwhile that I can stand behind and be proud of supporting.

I prayed for something to make my life good again and I found it in The Devil’s Carnival.

Everyone Has To Start Somewhere

"If for one minute you think you're better than a sixteen year old girl in a Green Day t-shirt, you are sorely mistaken. Remember the first time you went to a show and saw your favorite band. You wore their shirt, and sang every word. You didn't know anything about scene politics, haircuts, or what was cool. All you knew was that this music made you feel different from anyone you shared a locker with. Someone finally understood you. This is what music is about.” - Gerard Way

That quote is what its all about. There are so many people in the music scene today who think they are better than the newcomers because they have been in the scene for a long time. Maybe they have been in a few bands and therefore they feel they are superior. Or maybe they have been going to shows since they were little. Perhaps their parents raised them in the pit. But not everyone had that musical upbringing. I know I didn’t. I feel accepted in the scene now, but when I first started going to shows I felt out of place. It was like high school all over again. Everyone had their little cliques and I wasn’t a part of any of them. It wasn’t until I realized that these people weren’t any better than me that I stopped trying to fit in and just did it.

I’ll let you in on a little secret. Unlike most of my friends who were going to Fletchers since they were fourteen and knew everything there was to know about the local scene, I didn’t go to my first show until I was seventeen. I only listened to classic rock in high school. I barely knew who Fall Out Boy was when Sugar We’re Going Down was popular. I was too busy jamming to The Doors and Queen. It wasn’t until I graduated and was working at Wal*mart that I realized how much I liked the music that I love now. Thanks to Michael Stuprich I listened to Senses Fail and My Chemical Romance for the first time. It was something else. And then a few weeks after I got into all of that, my friend Jen and I drove to Philly to see Senses Fail at the Electric Factory. I wore a Senses Fail tee-shirt and when they started their set, I felt at home. All of the people rushing the stage knew the words just like I did. They loved the tunes just like I did. And after the show they waited by the busses to get their autographs and pictures with the band just like me.

After that I was hooked. I started to go to local shows, joined street teams, and blasted my new favorite music all the time. And for the most part I would still feel safe and among friends, even if I didn’t know the band that was playing. But there were still those pretentious people who thought they were better than me because they knew the band or they had been going to see that particular group since they had formed. And those people took that comfort away from me. They thought they were better than me because they didn’t wear the band’s shirt to the show, after all that was super lame right? Just like I wasn’t radtastic because I wore jeans and didn’t have crazy awesome extensions and at the time my skin was ink free. But there was still the music and the music made it not matter. I loved the people up on stage, and not because they were musicians and band guys are like totally hot (insert sarcasm here). I loved them because they believed in the music they played. And they made me believe in it too.

Today I find myself a different person than that shy girl who was new in the scene but I’m still very much the same person I’ve always been. I still wear band tee’s and I still rock my blue jeans. I don’t have extensions in my hair. Granted I did end up getting tattooed and pierced, but that wasn’t to fit in. When I go to a show I still love finding a band that is in it for the love of the music. And there are still those people who try to make me feel inferior because they’ve been at this way longer than I have. And to them I want to give a big “whoop dee fucking doo”. Just because you have had the pleasure of going to shows longer than I have doesn’t mean you’re any better than me or anyone else for that matter. We are all at the same level, united under the music that we are all there to enjoy.

Alright. Thus ends my rant. I hope that if you take something away from this. I hope that you realize that everyone has to start somewhere. And rather than making them feel unwelcome and inferior, maybe you should try to take them under your wing and show them the ropes. Who knows what awesome things could come from that.

Till next time.
Mandie

Why Classify?

I remember when I ran the magazine; I made a point of taking myself out of the material. Everything was so formal and if the interviews weren’t fun no one would have wanted to be written about, let alone read it. And this time around I want to make it more fun. Anyone who reads this is going to know how I really feel about the music scene. This is not fiction, I’m not going to pull my punches, and I’m going to talk about who I want and what I want. So let’s get started.

Today I want to talk about the way people seem to want to shove everything into a neat little box. Let me tell you something! Music isn’t neat and clean. There is not a single show I go to when every single person in the room leaves with every hair on their head in its exact place. Even if you go to a classical concert, the performers are so impassioned by what they are doing that they leave the stage covered in a thin layer of sweat and with their hair at least a little bit frizzy if not a hot mess. So why do we try to force bands to put themselves in a genre? Why do people ask “what kind of music is it?” before listening to something their friend has sent them? Why does it matter? I bet you anything that you can find at least one song from any genre that makes you feel something. And that is what matters. With music, its not about knowing every word to every song. It’s not about who can throw down the hardest. It’s about hearing something in a song that makes you feel that little something. When I find a song I absolutely love I get a tingly feeling at the base of my spine. It travels up and my whole chest gets warm. Every hair on my head seems to stand up and I know that this is a song that I was lucky to have found.


That is what music is about. People today seem to think if you like My Chemical Romance that it is impossible for you to also get down to The Grateful Dead. Its complete nonsense. The notion that you can’t like bands from opposite ends of the spectrum is like the silly little girls running around screaming Team Edward vs Team Jacob. In the end it doesn’t matter. I have a mixed CD in my CD player right now that is a testament to what I am saying. Its has Panic at the Disco, The Beatles, Taylor Swift, August Burns Red, 3OH!3, and Lynard Skynard on it. And if I played that CD for half of the people I know they would look at me and ask what in the world I was on when I put together the playlist. But why should they care. Each of those songs produces a chemical reaction in my brain that releases endorphins while I listen to them. They make me feel good. And that is what matters.


I like popular music. I enjoy classic rock and rap and even opera. People need to stop caring so much about why someone likes what they like and maybe just listen. They might find that they feel that same tingle from an unexpected artist. It’s about learning something you didn’t know about yourself. Try something new and for the love of God stop putting things into their neat little boxes. No one wins when you do that.

So here we are

Its been a long time since I've let the world know how I feel about the state of the music scene, but now I'm back.  Right now I'm listening to Sleux and telling everyone how rad they are.  By the way Sleux, they're pretty awesome.  Everyone will have to stay tuned for the next show I go to, and trust me I won't hold back.


That's it for now.  Stay tuned and rock out!

xx
Mandie